The holidays are over, and another year has begun. Tonight I was out to dinner with my best friend, and the discussion of resolutions came up. Every year it seems like I put so much pressure on myself only to feel like a complete failure when things don't necessarily go as planned. So this year, I decided to be realistic. I won't lie, part of it is a bit superstitious... I have the thought that if I don't lay the plans out in stone, then I cannot be disappointed & self loathing. Hopefully this works!
Every year, we say "thank GOD 20** is over! This year was awful! Next year HAS to be better" Maybe, we put so much into the expectations of the following year, that we actually sabotage ourselves before it begins without realizing it. Lately it seems (and I am sure the current state of the US has much to do with this, but I won't be climbing onto that soap box today) that everyone I know is going through something really tough, and when you think that's over, something even tougher is on the other side waiting! So maybe we shouldn't set our expectations to makeevery wrong right in the beginning of the new year, or even by the end of the year. What if, we just decide to start moving in a different direction? Just change something small? Maybe instead of taking on so much, just try to view your life from a different angle. Try to add a little happiness along the way? I've learned in the last 4 years, that things aren't nearly what they seem A LOT of the time, and sometimes we just need a little perspective.
4 years ago, I was sick with worry over my impending divorce, and the idea of shared parenting of my 2 year old son. I was so upset that I barely slept, and would lie awake sick and sobbing over what could become of my life. What I had built up or spun out in my head, was nothing like what actually happened. And while it was a very hard part of my life & at the time, very stressful, what came from it, was a good thing. I discovered in that time who I was, what I could accomplish on my own, and empowered myself! At the time, I let it consume me, the fear... I was allowing all that crap into my head. I just needed to see it from the outside, and listen to the people I had in my corner. I see friends going through it now, and I wish I had a magic remote, so I could fast forward and show them, it all works out! It might not be exactly as you plan, but it works out. A long time ago a friend of mine shared some wise words that I remind myself often "we really have no choice but to let things unfold as they are meant to".
Isn't it kind of funny, that we expect troubles to be resolved because it's the beginning of a new year? What if, instead we just decided to look at things a little differently? Yes, I've gained a lot of weight in the last year... and I'm unhappy... and I could say "this year, I am going to the gym everyday, I am cutting out ALL carbs & I will never eat another sweet!" But if I do that, the first time I miss the gym, or scarf down a noodle, I will hate myself. I will be hard on myself for not keeping a commitment... so I will say this. I am going to continue making small changes to keep healthy & happy. I am going to work on paying more attention to my son and less attention to the text/email notifications, I'd like to learn how to knit, and take my boys (my son and our dog) on walks after dinner, and I'm not going to allow the fear of failure in. That is my commitment to myself in 2014.
