Discipline

This past week, I was reading through my Facebook wall, when I saw that one of my friends, who I have quite a bit in common with posted something that really surprised me.  She was discussing the Baltimore riot & Toya Graham, the woman that slapped her teenage son for looting and rioting on National TV.  Her point was a valid one, but not one I necessarily subscribe to myself.  She feels that violence begets violence, and that no one should raise a hand to hit their child regardless of the child's age.

I remember when I was pregnant with my son, I wondered what kind of a mother I would be... I didn't want to yell, or scream, I didn't want to bribe or threaten... I was going to be a super mom.  I was going to do everything "right"  and he was going to be perfect.  And he was, in my eyes, the most perfect little baby boy ever.  But then he became mobile... one night, in the middle of a busy parking lot, he yanked free from my hand, and started to run across the parking lot.  Without even a thought, I ran after him, grabbed him and spanked his bottom.  Did it scare him?  Yes.  Did he cry?  Yes.  But did it keep him from doing it again?  YES!  And the spank on the bottom was not even close to what could have been.  I don't regret it for a moment, and he was over it in 10 minutes.  He did tell everyone that he got a spanking... and once in the middle of Target, I got cross with him and he yelled at the top of his lungs "Don't spank my butt Mommy!"  I wasn't even close!  I was embarrassed, and I felt like I had to explain myself to the other shoppers in the store... but frankly, it's none of their business.  

My son has been diagnosed with severe ADHD, and when he isn't on his medication, life is really hard.  He only takes enough medication to get him through the day at school, and the mornings and evenings are completely "off the chain" - or what I imagine that phrase to look like.  He is into everything, he is wired for sound, and he is not able to sit still or listen.  We make sure to do homework before the meds wear off, because honestly, it is excruciating for both of us.  I honestly get anxious because I know it will be a fight, and he immediately starts to cry, because he just cannot focus to do the work.  We've been known to run a few errands after the window has closed, and the looks I get from people on the outside are enough to make me want to get into the car and drive home.  Before I had a child, I was one of those people.  "Get control of your kid lady" their eyes say... "smack him" say others.  I catch myself on many occasions talking through my teeth, and threatening the evening's activities if he doesn't get in line.  But what occurred to me is that these are the very same people who judge when you grab them firmly by the arm and walk them back to the car, or scolding them for running through the store & almost knocking over a display.  

This kid, the one in Baltimore... yes, she drug him away from the protest, yes he was smacked on camera & publicly shamed... and he deserved it!  Michael Singleton admitted he was embarrassed that his mom caught him, and knew he was making a bad choice!  In his own words, he said "All my friends know my mother.  Everytime they see her, they're like 'Toya coming.' Oh yeah, she's coming.  Everybody better get straight"  Isn't that the end result all parents are striving for?  To keep our kids on the straight & narrow.  To make sure they are safe, and smart and taken care of?  One of the responses to my friend's post on FB was "better a slap from me than a bullet"...  I agree.  And to those of us who cannot possibly know what it is like to be a single mother raising a child in a neighborhood like the one we saw in the television coverage of this incident.  You cannot really say what you would do in the moment.  Personally, I think my reaction would have been more like this mother... rather have him be embarrassed than caught up in a riot, or worse.  

I try my best to keep my son in line, and to make him a productive and respectful member of society, and I do that with all the patience and love I can muster (actually the love comes very easily), but there are days, when he just doesn't hear it, and the yelling, and the threatening and the bribing come into play.  I'm not proud of it.  But I'm a mom, and I am doing the very best I can.  

**I want to add, I came from a house where spanking was a form of discipline, and while it didn't happen very often... I got the message loud and clear: "Mommy is done playing, straighten up!"